last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is wine microwaveable?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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