Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
