if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
