3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
