my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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