Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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