ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
