Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
