Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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