Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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