I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
