Your face is a jimmy john
no, he came in my armpit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
