Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
