forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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