My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
