Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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