For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
