I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
