she woke up with a sticky ear
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Randomize
