Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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