there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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