I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We have so much sex to catch up on
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
