i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
