I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
