i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize