If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
