three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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