Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I faked an abortion last night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
