She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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