Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
