I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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