We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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