My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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