He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
