i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize