this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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