saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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