I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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