hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I need help removing her.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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