Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
