bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
