Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
