I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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