My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
