Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
