my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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