Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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