I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
