idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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