Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
