i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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