Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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