Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
