he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.