dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.