Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
