remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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