Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
