You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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