Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
