you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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