God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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