He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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