I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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